My son is now 23 months and I am 7 months pregnant, much to many peoples horror and my delight (with the odd bout of when will it end), the breasts are still doing their job. I am still breastfeeding on demand and looking towards tandem feeding.

I do understand however, breastfeeding is not for everyone, and some people physically just can’t get it to work. These women should not be vilified by hospitals and the like.

I am just happy my itty bitty titties actually came to the party flat nipples and all!

When I was about 3 months pregnant and she had been weaned for 4 or 5 months, she asked for a feed again.  She had forgotten how to breastfeed and was trying to suck like a straw, plus by that time I only had colostrum.  So it was quick and a bit painful and I didn’t think much about it.  A few days later she wanted to do it again, and from then on it got more frequent.  Sometimes she’d go a week without asking, then it would be constant for a few days.  I could see that it was only going to happen more when she saw the new baby feeding, and decided that we would have to re-learn to do it properly.

She was squashing my nipple just like a newborn, so I decided to go back to the beginning.  We practiced opening her mouth as wide as she could, and sticking her tongue out over her bottom teeth.  We made it into a game and would stick our tongues out at each other.

After she was attaching in the right place, she had to learn to suck again.  I knew that newborns have a lot of jaw movement, so we practiced opening and closing her jaws.  At first I would sit her in front of me and she would do the big mouth and tongue and I would move her jaw up and down, then we would swap places.  Then she would attach and I would move her chin up and down while she was trying to suck.  Then she would try it on her own.  So over a few weeks we got to the point that she could suck again.  It was always a bit painful, but I was never sure if that was because of what she was doing or if it was because I was pregnant and only had colostrum.  We developed a rule that she could only have one feed a day and only one side, so each nipple was only being used every second day.

Once we had the physical side of feeding sorted and it became regular again, I was hit with breastfeeding aversion.  In the immortal words of a counsellor, if I were a cow I would have kicked her in the head.  Even the thought of feeding made me tense up, I hated everything about it.  It made me feel sick I was so tense, and I hated the way it made me snap at her.  I seriously considered weaning, but we had come so far I felt it would be too mean to take it away from her again.  I could see how important it was for her, so I gritted my teeth and trusted that I would be fine with the new baby.

When Joanna was born she fed like a dream and I enjoyed it.  She seemed to be born knowing how to attach and suck, and I never even got a sore nipple from her seven and eight hour feeding marathons in the first couple of days.  I had chosen to stay in hospital for a few days, and one of the reasons was I wanted to get Joanna’s feeding established without Molly constantly asking to feed.  I was so relieved when I went home and Molly’s first feed was painless, although I still hated doing it.  

There were lots of tears and tantrums because she went back to wanting to feed all the time, but looking back that only lasted a few weeks before she accepted that there were limits.  The aversion lasted much longer, it was probably 5 months before it went and I still don’t have much patience for her.  I had to really concentrate on relaxing and make sure I was comfortable and had something to do like a book.  

A year later she has her special time in the morning, she comes and snuggles into bed and has a feed before we get up.  I never thought I would still be feeding her at three and a half, but it is so useful.  When she is sick or tired or out of sorts the magic boobies still work, and I love our special cuddles.  I’m really glad we worked through it and she can still do something that is obviously so important to her.

Then my daughter was born.  For the first day, she latched on great (after her initial confusion, during which the lactation nurse simply shoved my breast into her mouth) and fed for 20 – 40 minutes at a time.  But that night when we got home, she never seemed satisfied, and she cried all night.  My husband and I both tried to sleep but were exhausted.  Nothing helped.  I ended up cuddling her on the couch around 7 am so my husband could sleep, talking to her constantly and allowing her to suck on my finger (the only thing that quieted her).  When he got up at 8, he ended up giving her formula.  I hated it but she was hungry and I didn’t have any support and didn’t seem to have any milk.

We continued supplementing (but still breastfeeding) for the next day or so, until my milk came in.  I remember going to bed one night with my breasts feeling shriveled and deflated, and waking up to them being very full.  Unfortunately, they were so full and my milk flowed so fast that my daughter could not nurse properly.  The hand pump didn’t get anything, and I didn’t have access to anything else.  One day, when she was 4 days old, I tried to feed her every 15 – 20 minutes but she would just latch on momentarily then pull off and scream.  Not knowing anything about breastfeeding or babies, I figured she was just not really hungry.  After 12 hours of this, she just cried and cried.  I didn’t know what to do and I called the nurse.  She said to feed her however I could, if I could pump and use a syringe, fine, if not, give formula.  I still didn’t have a pump so I gave some formula the hospital had given us.  She drank 3 oz. and immediately fell asleep and I felt like a horrible mother who couldn’t even feed her baby.

After that she got formula through the night so I could sleep, and the next day we went and bought a double electric pump.  This worked well and I got 10 oz. the first time.  I continued to try to nurse every few days but she would just scream.  So I decided I would just pump and feed, because at least she would be getting breastmilk.

This worked for awhile, but then I couldn’t pump enough (even though I was pumping every 2 hours during the day and every 4 – 5 at night) for her.  She seemed to want to cluster-nurse in the evenings, but still wouldn’t actually nurse, so we had to give her about 2 oz. of formula every night.  I hated it.  But I hated her crying even more.

Finally, just before she turned 6 weeks old, I decided that enough was enough.  I would not supplement anymore, and I would get her to latch on for real.  One day I upped my pumping as much as I could to get rid of the supplementing (which worked!) and two days later I sat down and latched her on.  Miracle – it worked!  I finally realized that I had a really strong letdown, and she could not deal with it when she was so little.  At 6 weeks, she could.  She could also nurse lying down (finally!).  Everything fell into place.

We never supplemented or had to pump again (although on rare occasions if I needed to pump, as I worked from home a few hours a week, she would take a bottle still).  But, then there was the pain.  For about a month it hurt so badly I wanted to cry every time I nursed.  I could not stand anything brushing against my nipples, even my soft bra.  By the time they stopped hurting after a feeding, it was time to feed again.  I used tons of cream, and cold patches, and took lots of baths.  In time, it was better.

But around this time, I started to feel very weak, and my joints started to hurt.  Every time I nursed I felt like my “essence” was being “stolen.”  As crazy as that sounds I felt like every bit of energy I had was being sucked out.  I had stopped taking my vitamins late in pregnancy due to constipation that led to bright red cervical bleeding (and therefore preterm labor risk, so my doctor said) and hadn’t started again.  My joints got more and more sore, until my knees, elbows, and wrists hurt so much that I could barely walk or even pick up my daughter.  I was sick all the time and I just felt awful.  I was determined to make it a full year but I just felt so horrible that it seemed impossibly far away.

Finally I thought that maybe I should try taking my vitamins again to see if that would help.  And it did!  Magically, in just a couple of days the joint soreness was gone, I was no longer sick, I had energy again.  From here on out, breastfeeding was easy!  For real!

When my daughter was 9 months old, I found out I was pregnant again.  I had heard horror stories about losing one’s milk supply within just a few weeks and I prayed that would not happen.  I had done a lot of researching, and although it initially sounded weird to me, I wanted to keep nursing through pregnancy and then tandem nurse.  I was determined to allow my daughter to self-wean.

Between 11 and 12 months, she went through a period where she did not want to nurse very much.  We were nursing 4 times a day, upon waking, before naps, and before bed.  But suddenly she’d refuse to nurse at those times (except morning).  I was sad but kept offering to see what she’d do.  I knew I wasn’t losing my milk, I constantly checked.  Just after her birthday, she changed her nursing behavior significantly – becoming a comfort nurser for the first time, and wanting to nurse where and when and how SHE chose.  Which became very frequent.

I passed each milestone with apprehension – 4 weeks, 8 weeks, 12 weeks, 16 weeks.  I didn’t lose my milk supply.  It didn’t even seem to go down at all.  We’re now at 21 weeks, and my daughter is almost 14 months old, and we are still going strong!  I am excited to continue to nurse her when her little brother (yes, brother!) comes along, as I am anticipating that it will help greatly with sibling rivalry.  I am so glad that I got through those early struggles, because nursing is the BEST mommy tool that I have, and I believe it will continue to be invaluable.  And as a small added bonus, continuing to nurse throughout pregnancy means that I will not experience the soreness and adjustment to breastfeeding the second time around!

Maven, My first baby, a green eyed, strawberry blonde haired delight. Porcelain skin, a dimpled chin like that of Captain Jack Harkness (I’m a Torchwood Fan!), the usual small child things too. I can hardly believe he is FOUR! We’ve plodded along through this and that challenge – biting, mastitis (my first time was at 22 months!), breastfeeding through pregnancy (a hot shower makes soreness in feeds just not happen) and a bout of thrush once – ouch. But, I’d say an interesting challenge to share would be how we have managed a crazy stage following the arrival of his brother.

I have another son now, Jett, who is just 7 months old and a gem. So I’m tandem feeding the two of them. I learnt early on that I don’t enjoy feeding them both together, separately is much better!

Maven was having adjustment issues with a new sibling and was wanting to feed 15 million times a day recently, and I was going out of my mind! I’d feel resentful at times too, a yucky feeling. I was even thinking I wanted to stop breastfeeding, but I also didn’t as I want him to be able to self wean. But what I discovered was that we needed some new boundaries.

When I was pregnant with Jett he went down to even one feed a day for a while, that was great then! I’m happy with more, but not the seemingly endless requests for my mummy’s milk all the time. He was even asking when we were out at homes, which had ceased by his choice YEARS ago! (What a funny thing to write down..)

I knew he was frantic with emotional stress – he was also having odd wetting accidents and various other on and off things – hitting, throwing… I was doing my best to have special time focussing on eye contact, aiming to say “Yes, when..” as a qualifier rather than “No, not now”, him having special activities with Dad (they like doing shopping errands and garage activities) and generally trying to make sure he was feeling good.

Yet, he was still uneasy, just a general feeling. We were spiralling and even DH was saying “Maybe we’ll need to wean him” I quailed at this as I didn’t want this to end under a negative, stormy cloud, I wanted it to drift away like a floating fluffy white cloud on a sunny day…

So I did the ‘Breastfeeding Trading Cards’ idea and WOW, it has helped us both wonderfully!

I made six cards with Spongebob stuck to a piece of black card, and he gets them each morning, and ‘trades’ each for a feed during the day. He loves it, plays with his cards, counts them, arranges them, and chews on them! He keeps them in a safe spot in the lounge and makes sure he gets one if he wants a feed. It’s funny – sometimes I am up at five am working on the computer in the quiet time before the day begins (like when I wrote this). I’ll hear a little noise behind me and turn to see him padding over to his little stash of cards, collecting one to pass to me in exchange for some of my “Mummy’s Milk”.

Immediately our stress levels went down. A Mum on the ABA forum described it as “a de-escalator for all concerned”. That was exactly right.

That first day I realised he probably wasn’t feeding 15 million times a day, and didn’t feel like I putting him off feeds as I was so touched out. (And that in itself was making him more anxious!)

Some days he has even fed less than the 6 cards. One day he only fed ONCE!

It really is a lovely gentle way of giving some external boundaries to us both, and to put our focus on the cards rather than a subtle battle between us. I no longer had to dread the whingeing and whining that developed whenever his baby brother had a feed or started wriggling for a feed…

I also realised I needed to pre-emptively offer him feeds rather than ‘acquiescing’ to the question for a feed, if that makes sense? He was asking so often, I was either saying “Yes” grudgingly or putting him off with some other activity just so I could have some skin-free time from my touched-out state Anxiousness for him again. Plus, I felt terrible and directionless.

With the cards, we can talk about the cards, he asks and I say “Yes”, or “Yes in a few moments after x, you hold onto that card”. I can also interrupt a feed saying “We’ll finish in a bit and still use that card, hold onto it”.

With the interruptions that occur with two, he’d not want to stop feeding (the anxiousness emerging again) and I’d feel bad putting him off knowing I would feel like it was yet another of 15 million feeds 10 mins later! (He was always asking for “Just a quick milk, a tiny pinch”…the little love.

I love breastfeeding again with this ‘external’ aid to our breastfeeding relationship. I know I’ve had one person advise me on steadily removing the cards to make him wean, but I don’t think that’s for me. He’ll do it himself, he’s a normal child. Another Mum on the ABA forum called it “Sponge-Led Weaning” rather than “Child-Led Weaning”, I thought that was great!

A few days later I shared my experience with a Mom on a USA breastfeeding forum who did something similar for her daughter. She got six of the very pretty hair ties and her daughter would give her one each feed. It had the same effect as it has with Maven. She would be very precious with her bracelets (keeping them on her wrist, and so would Mom) so that they both knew about where they were at. She would ’save’ her favourite purple and pink ones for last. The breastfeed before bed wasn’t counted in the bangle quota. Her daughter has cut back to a couple of feeds now and it is all very easily plodding along.

Lovely! I hope you read this at a time it will help you in your breastfeeding journey, as I did. It took some time before I got to the point of implementing it, and did it at the right time. (Yes, I could have done it earlier, but I generally avoid regret.) I learnt about this strategy about a year ago – I knew it might help me one day, and it did!

Charndra, Maven and Jett in Canberra, Australia.

Charndra is the woman behind the brilliant elimination communication courses and resources at Part Time Nappy Free, Part Time Diaper Free and Tribal Baby. Visit her websites to learn how you can reduce your nappy/diaper use.

I guess I had noticed that he was asking to nurse less and less often, but I was certain that once the baby was born he would take it up again. I looked forward to tandem nursing, hoping that the closeness to me would help get this emotional little guy through the tough times ahead. I was unprepared, then, when at 7 months pregnant he asked to nurse, then was unable to latch on properly. He tried a few times, then came off sobbing, “I forget how to nurse!” I didn’t know what to do! I held him and tried gently offering ways to help, but my little perfectionist was embarrassed, and wouldn’t try again. He would ask nearly every day to nurse, then when I would say “okay!” he would just cry, “but I can’t remember how!” Eventually he started telling me that he wanted to try when the milk came back.

When our daughter was born when Reid was 2 years 10 months old, he hadn’t nursed in two months. The first few days after she was born (at home) were so hard for him, and I longed to just hold him close and nurse. To somehow show him that the world was not over, that I loved him, that he was still my baby. Once the commotion died down and my mother left, I went with him into our bed to put him to sleep that night. He asked to nurse, but again could not remember how. He just started sobbing, “I want to nurse, I want to be a baby again, I want to stay little” on and on and on. We sat there, both sobbing, with me rocking him in my arms and holding him close. I wanted all of those things more than he could know, but could not give him any of it. That is, so far, the saddest moment of my life.

I had always imagined that I would nurse my babies until they grew into confident little people, and they would slowly move away from it until one day we would both realize that they didn’t need to nurse any longer. I did not expect it to be so traumatic, to feel that I had stolen something from my baby, to want to give back to him that bond we had shared. Our relationship will never be the same, and of course this is largely because he now has a sibling. I will always wonder, in the back of my mind, if it would have been different if he could have nursed until he was ready to stop. Perhaps this IS one natural ending to a nursing relationship—people become pregnant with a second child, the milk dries up, the first child often stops nursing. I just know that my little baby needed more time, and wish that I could give it back to him.