In the very early hours of the 8th December 2008, my health took a turn and my son was born by emergency instead of elective C/S at 37 weeks. I knew this was how my baby was to be born though and still had dreamy visions of laying him on my chest and breastfeeding him seconds after birth. After what seemed a life time though, the doctors ran with him out the door and down the hall while a nurse was left behind to explain to my husband and I that he wasn’t coping very well with life. A few hours later, before I was in a position to even lay eyes on him, I was told that the Royal Flying Doctor Service were sending up a retrieval from the Mater Childrens Hospital who would be escorting him back to Brisbane soon after they arrived. My legs were still numb from the spinal but I knew if I didn’t get out of my hospital bed and into a wheelchair, I wouldn’t get to see him before he left…. or maybe even alive. At around 8am and 6 hours after his delivery, I pushed through the intense pain and got out of bed and into a wheelchair. I made it to the SCN in time where I was able to see my boy strapped up inside the transport cot before they wheeled him out.

For the next 3 days, I remained in my local hospital while my son was 700km’s away and very very sick. I spend this time expressing while looking at a single photograph of my son that a nurse took for me before he left. The photo though was of a baby that I had never touched, who was fully ventilated and covered in wires. Combined with an early and sudden delivery, it was not enough to produce even a drop of colostrum. Well meaning friends told me to give up on the idea of breastfeeding. It’s too hard, it’s too stressful they would say. At this point though, sitting in hospital alone trying to get that one drop of anything for my newborn son was the only thing keeping me focused and preventing me from crumbling.

While in hospital in Brisbane, my son was fed nutrients from a drip in preparation for my arrival. I asked my husband if they were giving him any formula at all.

He said no, a nurse told him that the drip was a far better option, especially for a child so sick. On the afternoon of the 3rd full day of mother/baby seperation, I was transferred to Brisbane with the RFDS as an inpatient. I was myself still very unwell with pre-eclampsia and was admitted into the Mater Mothers Hospital where I remained for a further 8 nights before moving into Ronald McDonald with my husband. On arrival I was so excited to be so close to be near my baby though who was only 3 levels down in the NICU!! I soon as I lay eyes on him, I felt the milk flow in and within seconds they were full and hard and leaking!!

Before I arrived my son had already been through 1 minor surgery to keep him alive in preparation for his major operation on his heart. A nasal gastric tube was inserted for feeding now that I had arrived and I got straight onto expressing. I was still not able to hold him as he was in a sterile environment but just looking at him was enough to keep some milk up and I expressed about 25ml’s every 4 hours… sufficient when he was only on about 2ml an hour!! Because of his limited intake, over the next few days I managed to collect a fairly impressive frozen stockpile!! (For some reason I never did produce any colostrum.)

On day 7 after his marathon 9 hour open heart surgery (and now in PICU at the Childrens Hospital accross the road) he was nil by mouth for around 7 days.

I was still expressing around the clock to keep up supply and was pleased that beside his bed in the PICU was a breast pump that I could use whilst being right next to my baby. I was frustrated by my pesky 20-25ml efforts, but the nurses were exceptionally encouraging and put on a fanfare every time I added another (albeit small) container to the freezer!!

After his week of nil by mouth, they began weaning him onto 1ml an hour then 3ml an hour etc of EBM through the NG tube. We were able to cuddle him at this point but I still couldn’t put him to the breast as he was too heavily dosed on drugs. I was determined to not let the stress of open heart surgery combined with not putting bub to the breast affect our breastfeeding relationship outside hospital life.

25ml’s was not a not ideal in normal circumstances but I had to remind myself not to stress and remain practical. The pump of course was not withdrawing what my baby would.

At just over 2 weeks old I put him to the breast for the first time. To my astonishment, he latched on beautifully and drank an entire feed. You wouldn’t believe how pleased I was!! :D Here was my frail, scrawny little baby, having lost 900g and now just under 2kg looking up at me as if to say “mamma, where have you been my whole life!!” Up until this point.. friends and family would still persist by putting their hands on my shoulder and say things like “let it go, give him a bottle, people will understand, it’s too much pressure on you.” The thing is though that for me, the thought of NOT being able to BF was far more stressful then the round the clock expressing!!

I went home from hospital with LOADS of EBM but I made a decision to throw it away. At that point, successful BFíng was still too good to be true and I did not want to compromise that by giving him a bottle. I should also mention that they did offer to feed DS2 the EBM though a bottle rather then the NG tube once he was improving from surgery… but before I could hold him at the breast. I declined this and preferred that he be fed through the NG tube. They didn’t care either way, but I really didn’t want to have attachment issues and I believe this was the absolute best decision and reason why we got such a good attachment first go.

My son is now 22 months old and still enjoying mothers milk. I have now successfully breastfed though a 3 day 700km separation from my son at birth.

We have breastfed though 2 minor surgeries -

the first at one day old and the second at 5 months old. We have also successfully breastfed though 2 major open heart surgeries, the first at 7 days and his second on the 23rd of September 2010 at 21 months old. Together my son and I got through it all without a drop of formula and I can proudly say that he has been the healthiest ‘sick’ kid I know. Actually he has the best general health of any kid I have come across and has experienced only 1 mild cold, has never had gastro, vomiting or so much as an ear infection either despite me being told over and over how much more susceptible he is to these things. I am exceptionally proud of our breastfeeding relationship and can advocate first hand how possible it is to BF even in the most extreme and extenuating circumstances. A little determination goes a long way!!!

Due to the fact that Jayden was breech, I was scheduled for a caesarean at 39 weeks. I had the most wonderful birth experience and was back in the room to greet my husband and new baby within a few hours. I was elated, and could not believe this perfect little person was created by us.

After an hour or so back in the room, we tried to breastfeed. Jayden was still so sleepy and didn’t attach or seem at all interested. Fair enough, he was just yanked out of my belly unexpectedly (in his mind) so I thought we’ll give him some time to wake up.

Jayden didn’t wake up properly for a good few days and was quite unsettled as my milk didn’t come in properly until day 5 due to the caesarean. He was very hungry and not getting much at all because he was too tired to feed – what a vicious cycle it was, so hungry because he was too tired to feed, but too tired to feed because he was so hungry. I had the ‘baby blues’ moment early on day 5 when the midwives decided to give him formula with my EBM (what I could get!) – I felt horrible as formula was something I wanted to avoid at all costs. I reluctantly agreed, as I had to look after my little man as he had lost 430g (over 12% of his birth weight) and was getting jaundiced and very unsettled.

I will always remember the moment when I was attached to a double pump at 4am, trying to express what little milk I could get out, whilst feeling like the biggest jersey cow. I watched with tears streaming down my face whilst a midwife (a total stranger, in my eyes!)  was feeding MY baby. Why couldn’t I do that? What made my body so incompetent that I couldn’t do the one thing that nature intended it to do?

The pump must have done its job, as later that morning my milk came in, and I suddenly resembled a Dolly Parton impersonator. Unfortunately, we now had another problem in that because my breasts were so engorged, he couldn’t attach properly. Nevertheless, I continued to try and offer him the breast at regular intervals.

I had a light bulb moment later that day. After seeing how Jayden quickly demolished the bottle of formula, and now that my milk was in, I decided to try expressing again and feeding it to him in a bottle. All the staff were supportive of this idea, so I got pumping – and the liquid gold flowed.

Now came the biggest test – would Jayden drink it? Yes – he would! You have no idea the amount of relief I felt knowing that I COULD feed my baby MY milk – okay, it might be through other means other than my nipples, but he was still going to get all the lovely liquid gold and nutrients that I was producing for him.

So on it went – I expressed every single feed for my 2-3 hourly fed baby for the first 5ish weeks of his life. Looking back now I think how hard it actually was (especially when my poor husband was trying to sleep next to me with the breast pump going!), but at the time it was just something I had to do for Jayden.

I would always offer the breast to Jayden before the EBM, in the hope that he would attach and feed. The day that he actually attached properly, and I saw him happily sucking away was one of the best days of my life. I nearly jumped off the chair – in fact I would have, if he wasn’t still attached!

This could quite easily be the end of my story, happy ending right here. However, we had another spanner thrown in the works when Jayden was about 14 weeks old. One day I woke up – and suddenly had no milk. After having a fabulous supply with fast letdown, it was just suddenly gone. I couldn’t express anything, and Jayden couldn’t get anything out! I tried to keep Jayden on the breast all day to stimulate the supply, but the poor thing was crying, I was crying, it was just a horrible, horrible day.

Thankfully I was able to get to the Doctor who prescribed some Maxalon which worked straight away, and we were back on our breastfeeding journey again. Phew!

Now THIS is the happy ending.

Jayden is now 14 months old – and still breastfeeding. :)

He was exclusively breastfed until just after 6 months old when we started solids, has been demand fed otherwise. He currently feeds morning and night, and during the day 1-2 time before sleeps.

My initial goal was to get to 6 months, then 12 months and now…we’ll see. I am not going to put a timeline on it; I am just going to let our little man decide when he’s had enough.

It could have been so easy to give up, especially when faced with professionals who didn’t see the big deal about offering formula. I am so glad I didn’t though; I love the bond Jayden and I share when he is feeding, it is like our own little special time together.

I am so glad that I persevered and I feel very proud to know that our little man has been given the best start to life that I could possibly provide him with.

My son is now 23 months and I am 7 months pregnant, much to many peoples horror and my delight (with the odd bout of when will it end), the breasts are still doing their job. I am still breastfeeding on demand and looking towards tandem feeding.

I do understand however, breastfeeding is not for everyone, and some people physically just can’t get it to work. These women should not be vilified by hospitals and the like.

I am just happy my itty bitty titties actually came to the party flat nipples and all!

My second son was a normal pregancy until, at 33 1/2 weeks we discovered that my fundus had shrunk 2 cm over a 2 week period. After a Non-Stress Test and High-level Ultrasound, we discovered that the amniotic fluid was almost gone, the cord wasn’t feeding him anymore (it had a backflow), and he was tiny. They did an emergency C-section within 45 minutes. He was born 2 lbs 10 oz. I started pumping right away, and saved up tons of colostrum for when he was ready for his first feeds. After a few days of ventilators, a shot of liquid surfactant for his lungs, etc. we started focusing on his food situation. From the beginning, his only source of food was sugar water through an IV, and he lost 10 oz, dropping to just 2 lbs. When he was ready, they introduced a gavage tube (naso-gastric) and started with 1 ml at a time of colostrum. After some setbacks and tummy troubles, we worked our way up to the point where we could take out the IV and just keep increasing the tube feeds, a little at a time. We also finally got to start practicing breastfeeding! At first we just let him suckle and explore, but once he started trying to actually eat at the breast, it was pretty obvious that we’d be needing the shield again. We could only breastfeed a couple times a day, because it wore him out a lot more, but at least I knew that all his bottles were my milk. For awhile they had to add HMF (Human Milk Fortifier) to his bottles, to bulk up on the particular nutrients that he needed extra of, and to add calories. We finally got to take him home at 5 weeks old, still weighing less than 4 lbs. At home, I just kept pumping, nursing, and gradually reducing our bottle usage, and within weeks, he was all breast. We also used the nipple shield till about 3 months, just like with my first. He’s still very happily nursing at 20 months old, and he’s still tiny (almost 19 lbs), but his growth curve is steady and normal… just way below the charts, since he hasn’t done a “catch up” growth spurt yet. But he’s thrived on my milk, and is developing wonderfully.

My 1st daughter, Isabela, was born on May 3, 2002 via c-section.  I remember being so groggy from the pain meds. but I demanded to have my baby so I could nurse her during that 1st crucial hour after birth.  I held her up to my breast and she started nursing right away. It was beautiful!  I nursed her for 45 minutes before they took her to the nursery so I could get some rest. I nursed her every 3 hours- just like the books said to do- and wrote every feeding down on the schedule card the nurse gave me.  My milk came in on day 3 and Isabela was back up to her birth weight when we went home 2 days later.  I loved nursing my baby. I loved holding her in my arms, skin to skin, rocking and singing to her as she nursed for hours. But things soon took a turn for the worse. I had an overactive let down and Isabela gagged and vomited every time she nursed.  She had terrible gas from gulping so much air and would cry in agony from the pain.  She also had colic.  She would scream and refuse to eat for hours every night.  One night I broke down and gave her a bottle of espressed breast milk.  She chugged down the whole bottle and fell asleep for 12 hours.  The next night I gave in again.  After a few days she would no longer take the breast. She would scream and arch her back and thrash her head around until I gave her a bottle.  I felt like a failure. How could this have happened?  I read all the books and took the class at the hospital where did I go wrong?  I  refused to give up.  Maybe she would not take my breast but I could still give her breast milk.  From that day on I pumped every 3 hours during the day.  I even pumped while driving and on an airplane!  Thankfully I had an abundant supply and I was able to pump and feed my baby girl until her 1st birthday when I quit- because that is when all the books said you should stop.

When I became pregnant with my second child I was determined to make breastfeeding work.  I swore that I would not give this one a chance to get used to a bottle because I would not offer one- ever.  On January 20, 2006 I gave birth to another beautiful girl, Olivia.  Just like Isabela I got to nurse her within the 1st hour after her birth and just like her sister she nursed beautifully.  She nursed on demand and I did not use the schedule card they gave me.  But problems arose again, this time before we even left the hospital.  Olivia was an aggressive nurser.  She would attack my breast and suck so hard that my nipples cracked and bled.  It was so painful to nurse her and my milk was taking forever coming in.  The LC kept telling me I needed to give her a bottle of formula after she nursed because she was losing too much weight. I cried and refused.  I was so upset thinking that our breastfeeding relationship was over before it even began. How could something so natural be so hard?  Later on that day the LC came back in and asked me to massage my breasts to see if we could get any milk to let down. So I did and I squirted her right in the face!!!  We both laughed.  She then convinced me to squirt some formula on my breast to get Olivia to latch on and start nursing and it worked.  When we went home my breasts felt so deflated and Olivia cried so much. I tried pumping but got nothing.  I ended up giving her a bottle of formula.  It was a terrible decision.  I reminded myself that I was going to tough it out and not resort to the bottles.  The next day was terrible but I did not cave in.  She cried and cried but I kept nursing her all night long.  This went on for a couple nights and finally she slept for 4 hours and I woke up with a soaked bed!  I was finally engorged with milk!  Olivia was always a fussy baby, she had colic and refused to eat but I knew that it was not because she was hungry.  She had colic and there was nothing I could do but try and soothe her. I found that if I gave her a pacifier until she calmed down I could take it out of her mouth really fast and replace it with my nipple and she would eat until she fell asleep.  She soon because dependant on my breast for everything. She would nurse for comfort, nurse when she was upset, nurse when she was shy,  nurse to fall asleep. She woke up many times during the night and had to be nursed to fall back asleep. I was so tired that I began to resent nursing. I could not wait until she was 12 months so I could wean.  Then that say came. Olivia’s 1st birthday.  I was ready to wean but she was not in any way ready so we  continued.  She was still waking 2 or 3 times a night to eat and I was still exhausted.  When Olivia was 16 months old I started getting back spasms. I had to go to the hospital and get a morphine shot and was prescribed Percocet for the pain. I was told that I could not nurse while on the pain meds.  I had no idea how Olivia was going to handle this.  When I got home from the hospital all I could do is lay in bed in pain. My husband had to take off work to take care of the girls.  Olivia tried several times to nurse but I would not let her. She cried and cried for days. Finally, a few days later she fell asleep in my husband’s arms and slept the whole night!!  When I was weaned off the meds I tried to nurse her again but she would not take it.  My husband and I laughed and he said to me, ” Never thought she would give it up that easily.”

On November 30, 2008 I gave birth to my 3rd daughter, Eliana.  The 1st time I nursed her it felt different than it did with Isabela or Olivia.  It was calm and peaceful, relaxed, unrushed.  I knew that second that everything was going to be different this time around.  I was right. Ellie was a patient nurser.  My nipples never became sore or cracked. My milk came in right on time. We came home from the hospital and things remained the same.  She nursed on demand.  She never arched her back or fussed at my breast, she never refused a feeding, she never had colic, she never even cried!  We co-slept and neither of us had to fully wake to nurse, we just got things started and fell back to sleep.  Now she is almost 6 months old and has never sucked an artificial nipple.  She is 100% content with mommy’s breast and is happy all the time!  I love the bond we have formed and I will not put a time limit on our nursing relationship.  She can nurse as long as she wants.

For me breastfeeding was not something I was able to learn by reading books or taking classes. It was a learning rollercoaster with ups and downs and twists and turns but at the end of each ride I came out knowing more than I did when I started.  Breastfeeding was not always easy but I am proud to say that all my girls were given mommy’s milk- even if one only drank it from a bottle :)