Before Layla was born I felt quite strongly that breastfeeding was natural and important but also thought that I had to get my head around the fact that it may not work for us. I think this came mainly from my sister having trouble and switching to ABM at three months with her first baby. Also because my Mum had bottle fed myself and one of my sisters. She fed my youngest sister for nearly 12 months though so I was hoping that I could do the same. I joined the Australian Breastfeeding Association (ABA) at the urging of my mentor yoga teacher and went to the breastfeeding class at the hospital to prepare. Deep down I wanted to make it to two years but was outwardly preparing for the possibility that I may not.

After Layla was born we were left to ourselves for a couple of hours and she eventually made her way to the breast about an hour after birth. She was smallish at 2.7kg but apart from having no idea what to expect I thought we were doing pretty well. About two days after birth it was recommended that she be comp fed due to jaundice and weight loss while in hospital. She had one cup, 30ml, before it clicked to me that I could be using my own milk. No-one suggested to me that we could use EBM to comp her feeds though so I’m very thankful that I knew enough to suggest it myself. The comping was recommended by a paediatrician who had not even seen her! I was able to access an electric pump in hospital and don’t think I had to worry about storage because it was used within a short time frame. Before leaving hospital I called my local ABA group and organised to pick up a pump on the way home. Once home I continued to pump for a few days but had to return to hospital due to high blood pressure. This was within the first week of being home so I continued pumping in hospital. Once home I continued breastfeeding and giving EBM sporadically.

During the first three weeks, on top of my extra time in hospital, we had grandparents and family visiting from interstate. At the time I didn’t think much of this but in hindsight can see that it affected my establishment of feeding. As well as feeling unsure about breastfeeding and doing it in front of people there were family dinners that we attended and lots of visitors. I can clearly remember thinking we were in a hurry so she could have one breast now and one when we got there. Two years later she still liked to have both sides at a feed so that was never going to work for her! When the MACH nurse visited at three weeks Layla had only gained 50g in 11 days bringing her to 2.6kg so had not regained her birthweight. I was devastated at this visit to hear the nurse refer to Layla as ‘scrawny’ when she rang to book us into the Day Stay Clinic. I called the breastfeeding helpline several times during this period which gave me ongoing reassurance but the most helpful thing I was told was to feed and feed and feed! The counsellor shared her experience with me and suggested I try feeding at least two hourly, basically trying to do nothing but feed for a week and see what impact that had at the next weigh in. So I set myself up on the couch with the phone, fruit, water each day as I worked my way through a DVD boxset of my favourite show. When she was next weighed at four weeks there had been a gain of 120g. For the next couple of months we went through weekly/ fortnightly weighs and Layla continued to have consistent but small gains. During this time her length increased steadily at about 1cm per week and head circumference also increased. She stayed under the third percentile until nearly six months at which point she continued to gain weight in the same pattern until she reached close to the fiftieth at nine months. This then steadied out again and she has been tracking along happily at about the thirtieth percentile ever since. I froze the excess expressed milk in ice cube trays then stored them in labelled bags. It meant that I always had some on hand and came in handy for adding to solids when the time came.

It was a tough time with quite a few times when I questioned my ability to feed her, questioned my confidence in breastfeeding and felt that it was all too hard. Positioning and attachment became the centre of my world and I developed an understanding of the let down reflex and how the breast works that I only thought I’d learnt about before Layla was born. I can clearly remember the day at about three months when I realised that we had just latched on easily and naturally without stepping through the positioning and attachment process.  It was finally starting to become easy! My husband’s support during this time was crucial as he had faith in me and my ability to give Layla everything she needed.

We initially tried to introduce solids at around six months but Layla wasn’t particularly keen. She was fed on demand so I didn’t push it then at nearly eight months it clicked. We were having dinner one night when she made it very clear that she was keen to join in.  Lots of banging, reaching and squealing! At that meal she at two bowls of mash with veg and never looked back. It didn’t affect her milk intake though. She continued to have about eight feeds during the day, usually two to four feeds between her bedtime and ours as well as feeding overnight two to four times. A total of up to 16 feeds in 24 hours. Around the time she started walking at 14 months Layla upped her feeds even further… She was feeding frequently day and night, up to 20 times in 24 hours. I’m sure it was more some days but I didn’t want to think about it. We discussed night weaning many times and thought about making changes but she seemed to need it and it all seemed too hard when I was so tired. Trying different things like going to bed with Daddy didn’t work either as she just wouldn’t stand for it. She wanted her nummie noo’s and that was that. I was at the point where I could hardly cope with it but kept telling myself it would pass.

At some point during this time her eye teeth both came through together and she stopped feeding for three days. I had no idea as my parenting had so heavily relied on breastfeeding until then. I was totally bamboozled going from all to nothing. Although I found information on how to manage breast refusal in smaller babies none of it seemed to apply to her as she had obviously stopped due to pain. She was still having the odd small feed and I expressed to avoid blocked ducts. We went to visit a friend who is a counsellor one day and I was in tears. Then as suddenly as it stopped she started again. Much easier to deal with than the alternative! We kept rolling along with her feeding day and night. Layla has always increased her feeds before any developmental changes and she had so much going on at that time that I figured it had to end some time. And it did.

By eighteen months Layla was sleeping for 4-5 hour chunks between 6pm-6am and started to sleep in her own bed in our room. When she was nearly two we moved house and she moved into her own room. She was really excited about having her own bed and over the next few months started sleeping through most nights. I also had a miscarriage around this time and felt that she needed to drop some feeds during the day so we got down to about five a day. By the time she turned two, about the same time as I got pregnant, we were only having between 6-8 breastfeeds in 24 hours which steadily declined over the past three months. It has now been two weeks since her last feed which was a lovely snugly morning feed in my bed. I feel blessed to have enjoyed such a wonderful experience with her and to have reached my goal of two years. I also made some wonderful supportive friends who share an appreciation for the magical experience of breastfeeding and were with me every step of the way.

My son is now 23 months and I am 7 months pregnant, much to many peoples horror and my delight (with the odd bout of when will it end), the breasts are still doing their job. I am still breastfeeding on demand and looking towards tandem feeding.

I do understand however, breastfeeding is not for everyone, and some people physically just can’t get it to work. These women should not be vilified by hospitals and the like.

I am just happy my itty bitty titties actually came to the party flat nipples and all!

My second son was a normal pregancy until, at 33 1/2 weeks we discovered that my fundus had shrunk 2 cm over a 2 week period. After a Non-Stress Test and High-level Ultrasound, we discovered that the amniotic fluid was almost gone, the cord wasn’t feeding him anymore (it had a backflow), and he was tiny. They did an emergency C-section within 45 minutes. He was born 2 lbs 10 oz. I started pumping right away, and saved up tons of colostrum for when he was ready for his first feeds. After a few days of ventilators, a shot of liquid surfactant for his lungs, etc. we started focusing on his food situation. From the beginning, his only source of food was sugar water through an IV, and he lost 10 oz, dropping to just 2 lbs. When he was ready, they introduced a gavage tube (naso-gastric) and started with 1 ml at a time of colostrum. After some setbacks and tummy troubles, we worked our way up to the point where we could take out the IV and just keep increasing the tube feeds, a little at a time. We also finally got to start practicing breastfeeding! At first we just let him suckle and explore, but once he started trying to actually eat at the breast, it was pretty obvious that we’d be needing the shield again. We could only breastfeed a couple times a day, because it wore him out a lot more, but at least I knew that all his bottles were my milk. For awhile they had to add HMF (Human Milk Fortifier) to his bottles, to bulk up on the particular nutrients that he needed extra of, and to add calories. We finally got to take him home at 5 weeks old, still weighing less than 4 lbs. At home, I just kept pumping, nursing, and gradually reducing our bottle usage, and within weeks, he was all breast. We also used the nipple shield till about 3 months, just like with my first. He’s still very happily nursing at 20 months old, and he’s still tiny (almost 19 lbs), but his growth curve is steady and normal… just way below the charts, since he hasn’t done a “catch up” growth spurt yet. But he’s thrived on my milk, and is developing wonderfully.

When I was about 3 months pregnant and she had been weaned for 4 or 5 months, she asked for a feed again.  She had forgotten how to breastfeed and was trying to suck like a straw, plus by that time I only had colostrum.  So it was quick and a bit painful and I didn’t think much about it.  A few days later she wanted to do it again, and from then on it got more frequent.  Sometimes she’d go a week without asking, then it would be constant for a few days.  I could see that it was only going to happen more when she saw the new baby feeding, and decided that we would have to re-learn to do it properly.

She was squashing my nipple just like a newborn, so I decided to go back to the beginning.  We practiced opening her mouth as wide as she could, and sticking her tongue out over her bottom teeth.  We made it into a game and would stick our tongues out at each other.

After she was attaching in the right place, she had to learn to suck again.  I knew that newborns have a lot of jaw movement, so we practiced opening and closing her jaws.  At first I would sit her in front of me and she would do the big mouth and tongue and I would move her jaw up and down, then we would swap places.  Then she would attach and I would move her chin up and down while she was trying to suck.  Then she would try it on her own.  So over a few weeks we got to the point that she could suck again.  It was always a bit painful, but I was never sure if that was because of what she was doing or if it was because I was pregnant and only had colostrum.  We developed a rule that she could only have one feed a day and only one side, so each nipple was only being used every second day.

Once we had the physical side of feeding sorted and it became regular again, I was hit with breastfeeding aversion.  In the immortal words of a counsellor, if I were a cow I would have kicked her in the head.  Even the thought of feeding made me tense up, I hated everything about it.  It made me feel sick I was so tense, and I hated the way it made me snap at her.  I seriously considered weaning, but we had come so far I felt it would be too mean to take it away from her again.  I could see how important it was for her, so I gritted my teeth and trusted that I would be fine with the new baby.

When Joanna was born she fed like a dream and I enjoyed it.  She seemed to be born knowing how to attach and suck, and I never even got a sore nipple from her seven and eight hour feeding marathons in the first couple of days.  I had chosen to stay in hospital for a few days, and one of the reasons was I wanted to get Joanna’s feeding established without Molly constantly asking to feed.  I was so relieved when I went home and Molly’s first feed was painless, although I still hated doing it.  

There were lots of tears and tantrums because she went back to wanting to feed all the time, but looking back that only lasted a few weeks before she accepted that there were limits.  The aversion lasted much longer, it was probably 5 months before it went and I still don’t have much patience for her.  I had to really concentrate on relaxing and make sure I was comfortable and had something to do like a book.  

A year later she has her special time in the morning, she comes and snuggles into bed and has a feed before we get up.  I never thought I would still be feeding her at three and a half, but it is so useful.  When she is sick or tired or out of sorts the magic boobies still work, and I love our special cuddles.  I’m really glad we worked through it and she can still do something that is obviously so important to her.

Maven, My first baby, a green eyed, strawberry blonde haired delight. Porcelain skin, a dimpled chin like that of Captain Jack Harkness (I’m a Torchwood Fan!), the usual small child things too. I can hardly believe he is FOUR! We’ve plodded along through this and that challenge – biting, mastitis (my first time was at 22 months!), breastfeeding through pregnancy (a hot shower makes soreness in feeds just not happen) and a bout of thrush once – ouch. But, I’d say an interesting challenge to share would be how we have managed a crazy stage following the arrival of his brother.

I have another son now, Jett, who is just 7 months old and a gem. So I’m tandem feeding the two of them. I learnt early on that I don’t enjoy feeding them both together, separately is much better!

Maven was having adjustment issues with a new sibling and was wanting to feed 15 million times a day recently, and I was going out of my mind! I’d feel resentful at times too, a yucky feeling. I was even thinking I wanted to stop breastfeeding, but I also didn’t as I want him to be able to self wean. But what I discovered was that we needed some new boundaries.

When I was pregnant with Jett he went down to even one feed a day for a while, that was great then! I’m happy with more, but not the seemingly endless requests for my mummy’s milk all the time. He was even asking when we were out at homes, which had ceased by his choice YEARS ago! (What a funny thing to write down..)

I knew he was frantic with emotional stress – he was also having odd wetting accidents and various other on and off things – hitting, throwing… I was doing my best to have special time focussing on eye contact, aiming to say “Yes, when..” as a qualifier rather than “No, not now”, him having special activities with Dad (they like doing shopping errands and garage activities) and generally trying to make sure he was feeling good.

Yet, he was still uneasy, just a general feeling. We were spiralling and even DH was saying “Maybe we’ll need to wean him” I quailed at this as I didn’t want this to end under a negative, stormy cloud, I wanted it to drift away like a floating fluffy white cloud on a sunny day…

So I did the ‘Breastfeeding Trading Cards’ idea and WOW, it has helped us both wonderfully!

I made six cards with Spongebob stuck to a piece of black card, and he gets them each morning, and ‘trades’ each for a feed during the day. He loves it, plays with his cards, counts them, arranges them, and chews on them! He keeps them in a safe spot in the lounge and makes sure he gets one if he wants a feed. It’s funny – sometimes I am up at five am working on the computer in the quiet time before the day begins (like when I wrote this). I’ll hear a little noise behind me and turn to see him padding over to his little stash of cards, collecting one to pass to me in exchange for some of my “Mummy’s Milk”.

Immediately our stress levels went down. A Mum on the ABA forum described it as “a de-escalator for all concerned”. That was exactly right.

That first day I realised he probably wasn’t feeding 15 million times a day, and didn’t feel like I putting him off feeds as I was so touched out. (And that in itself was making him more anxious!)

Some days he has even fed less than the 6 cards. One day he only fed ONCE!

It really is a lovely gentle way of giving some external boundaries to us both, and to put our focus on the cards rather than a subtle battle between us. I no longer had to dread the whingeing and whining that developed whenever his baby brother had a feed or started wriggling for a feed…

I also realised I needed to pre-emptively offer him feeds rather than ‘acquiescing’ to the question for a feed, if that makes sense? He was asking so often, I was either saying “Yes” grudgingly or putting him off with some other activity just so I could have some skin-free time from my touched-out state Anxiousness for him again. Plus, I felt terrible and directionless.

With the cards, we can talk about the cards, he asks and I say “Yes”, or “Yes in a few moments after x, you hold onto that card”. I can also interrupt a feed saying “We’ll finish in a bit and still use that card, hold onto it”.

With the interruptions that occur with two, he’d not want to stop feeding (the anxiousness emerging again) and I’d feel bad putting him off knowing I would feel like it was yet another of 15 million feeds 10 mins later! (He was always asking for “Just a quick milk, a tiny pinch”…the little love.

I love breastfeeding again with this ‘external’ aid to our breastfeeding relationship. I know I’ve had one person advise me on steadily removing the cards to make him wean, but I don’t think that’s for me. He’ll do it himself, he’s a normal child. Another Mum on the ABA forum called it “Sponge-Led Weaning” rather than “Child-Led Weaning”, I thought that was great!

A few days later I shared my experience with a Mom on a USA breastfeeding forum who did something similar for her daughter. She got six of the very pretty hair ties and her daughter would give her one each feed. It had the same effect as it has with Maven. She would be very precious with her bracelets (keeping them on her wrist, and so would Mom) so that they both knew about where they were at. She would ’save’ her favourite purple and pink ones for last. The breastfeed before bed wasn’t counted in the bangle quota. Her daughter has cut back to a couple of feeds now and it is all very easily plodding along.

Lovely! I hope you read this at a time it will help you in your breastfeeding journey, as I did. It took some time before I got to the point of implementing it, and did it at the right time. (Yes, I could have done it earlier, but I generally avoid regret.) I learnt about this strategy about a year ago – I knew it might help me one day, and it did!

Charndra, Maven and Jett in Canberra, Australia.

Charndra is the woman behind the brilliant elimination communication courses and resources at Part Time Nappy Free, Part Time Diaper Free and Tribal Baby. Visit her websites to learn how you can reduce your nappy/diaper use.