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My breastfeeding journey – Loralyn’s story

Posted on May 20, 2009
Filed under: Breast refusal, Caesarean/cesarean birth, Exclusive expressing, Expressing, Low supply, Nipple pain, Strong letdown

When I was pregnant with my 1st daughter someone asked me if I was going to breast or bottle feed and I remember thinking “What a dumb question! Of course I am going to breastfeed!” The thought of bottle feeding never even crossed my mind. My sister and I were breast fed. My mother even breastfed twins why would I feed my baby any other way? Throughout my pregnancy I read every breastfeeding book I could get my hands on. I even took a breastfeeding class at the hospital. I knew EVERYTHING I needed to know about breastfeeding. Or so I thought……..

My 1st daughter, Isabela, was born on May 3, 2002 via c-section. I remember being so groggy from the pain meds. but I demanded to have my baby so I could nurse her during that 1st crucial hour after birth. I held her up to my breast and she started nursing right away. It was beautiful! I nursed her for 45 minutes before they took her to the nursery so I could get some rest. I nursed her every 3 hours- just like the books said to do- and wrote every feeding down on the schedule card the nurse gave me. My milk came in on day 3 and Isabela was back up to her birth weight when we went home 2 days later. I loved nursing my baby. I loved holding her in my arms, skin to skin, rocking and singing to her as she nursed for hours. But things soon took a turn for the worse. I had an overactive let down and Isabela gagged and vomited every time she nursed. She had terrible gas from gulping so much air and would cry in agony from the pain. She also had colic. She would scream and refuse to eat for hours every night. One night I broke down and gave her a bottle of espressed breast milk. She chugged down the whole bottle and fell asleep for 12 hours. The next night I gave in again. After a few days she would no longer take the breast. She would scream and arch her back and thrash her head around until I gave her a bottle. I felt like a failure. How could this have happened? I read all the books and took the class at the hospital where did I go wrong? I refused to give up. Maybe she would not take my breast but I could still give her breast milk. From that day on I pumped every 3 hours during the day. I even pumped while driving and on an airplane! Thankfully I had an abundant supply and I was able to pump and feed my baby girl until her 1st birthday when I quit- because that is when all the books said you should stop.

lw01 When I became pregnant with my second child I was determined to make breastfeeding work. I swore that I would not give this one a chance to get used to a bottle because I would not offer one- ever. On January 20, 2006 I gave birth to another beautiful girl, Olivia. Just like Isabela I got to nurse her within the 1st hour after her birth and just like her sister she nursed beautifully. She nursed on demand and I did not use the schedule card they gave me. But problems arose again, this time before we even left the hospital. Olivia was an aggressive nurser. She would attack my breast and suck so hard that my nipples cracked and bled. It was so painful to nurse her and my milk was taking forever coming in. The LC kept telling me I needed to give her a bottle of formula after she nursed because she was losing too much weight. I cried and refused. I was so upset thinking that our breastfeeding relationship was over before it even began. How could something so natural be so hard? Later on that day the LC came back in and asked me to massage my breasts to see if we could get any milk to let down. So I did and I squirted her right in the face!!! We both laughed. She then convinced me to squirt some formula on my breast to get Olivia to latch on and start nursing and it worked. When we went home my breasts felt so deflated and Olivia cried so much. I tried pumping but got nothing. I ended up giving her a bottle of formula. It was a terrible decision. I reminded myself that I was going to tough it out and not resort to the bottles. The next day was terrible but I did not cave in. She cried and cried but I kept nursing her all night long. This went on for a couple nights and finally she slept for 4 hours and I woke up with a soaked bed! I was finally engorged with milk! Olivia was always a fussy baby, she had colic and refused to eat but I knew that it was not because she was hungry. She had colic and there was nothing I could do but try and soothe her. I found that if I gave her a pacifier until she calmed down I could take it out of her mouth really fast and replace it with my nipple and she would eat until she fell asleep. She soon because dependant on my breast for everything. She would nurse for comfort, nurse when she was upset, nurse when she was shy, nurse to fall asleep. She woke up many times during the night and had to be nursed to fall back asleep. I was so tired that I began to resent nursing. I could not wait until she was 12 months so I could wean. Then that say came. Olivia’s 1st birthday. I was ready to wean but she was not in any way ready so we continued. She was still waking 2 or 3 times a night to eat and I was still exhausted. When Olivia was 16 months old I started getting back spasms. I had to go to the hospital and get a morphine shot and was prescribed Percocet for the pain. I was told that I could not nurse while on the pain meds. I had no idea how Olivia was going to handle this. When I got home from the hospital all I could do is lay in bed in pain. My husband had to take off work to take care of the girls. Olivia tried several times to nurse but I would not let her. She cried and cried for days. Finally, a few days later she fell asleep in my husband’s arms and slept the whole night!! When I was weaned off the meds I tried to nurse her again but she would not take it. My husband and I laughed and he said to me, ” Never thought she would give it up that easily.”

On November 30, 2008 I gave birth to my 3rd daughter, Eliana. The 1st time I nursed her it felt different than it did with Isabela or Olivia. It was calm and peaceful, relaxed, unrushed. I knew that second that everything was going to be different this time around. I was right. Ellie was a patient nurser. My nipples never became sore or cracked. My milk came in right on time. We came home from the hospital and things remained the same. She nursed on demand. She never arched her back or fussed at my breast, she never refused a feeding, she never had colic, she never even cried! We co-slept and neither of us had to fully wake to nurse, we just got things started and fell back to sleep. Now she is almost 6 months old and has never sucked an artificial nipple. She is 100% content with mommy’s breast and is happy all the time! I love the bond we have formed and I will not put a time limit on our nursing relationship. She can nurse as long as she wants.

For me breastfeeding was not something I was able to learn by reading books or taking classes. It was a learning rollercoaster with ups and downs and twists and turns but at the end of each ride I came out knowing more than I did when I started. Breastfeeding was not always easy but I am proud to say that all my girls were given mommy’s milk- even if one only drank it from a bottle :)

Filed under: Breast refusal, Caesarean/cesarean birth, Exclusive expressing, Expressing, Low supply, Nipple pain, Strong letdown