ibreastfed.com

How Spongebob helped ease our breastfeeding relationship – Charndra’s story

Posted on March 9, 2009
Filed under: Breastfeeding beyond infancy (2 years +), Tandem feeding

I wanted share a recent experience that has eased a bump in our breastfeeding journey.

Maven, My first baby, a green eyed, strawberry blonde haired delight. Porcelain skin, a dimpled chin like that of Captain Jack Harkness (I’m a Torchwood Fan!), the usual small child things too. I can hardly believe he is FOUR! We’ve plodded along through this and that challenge – biting, mastitis (my first time was at 22 months!), breastfeeding through pregnancy (a hot shower makes soreness in feeds just not happen) and a bout of thrush once – ouch. But, I’d say an interesting challenge to share would be how we have managed a crazy stage following the arrival of his brother.

Family I have another son now, Jett, who is just 7 months old and a gem. So I’m tandem feeding the two of them. I learnt early on that I don’t enjoy feeding them both together, separately is much better!

Maven was having adjustment issues with a new sibling and was wanting to feed 15 million times a day recently, and I was going out of my mind! I’d feel resentful at times too, a yucky feeling. I was even thinking I wanted to stop breastfeeding, but I also didn’t as I want him to be able to self wean. But what I discovered was that we needed some new boundaries.

When I was pregnant with Jett he went down to even one feed a day for a while, that was great then! I’m happy with more, but not the seemingly endless requests for my mummy’s milk all the time. He was even asking when we were out at homes, which had ceased by his choice YEARS ago! (What a funny thing to write down..)

I knew he was frantic with emotional stress – he was also having odd wetting accidents and various other on and off things – hitting, throwing… I was doing my best to have special time focussing on eye contact, aiming to say “Yes, when..” as a qualifier rather than “No, not now”, him having special activities with Dad (they like doing shopping errands and garage activities) and generally trying to make sure he was feeling good.

Yet, he was still uneasy, just a general feeling. We were spiralling and even DH was saying “Maybe we’ll need to wean him” I quailed at this as I didn’t want this to end under a negative, stormy cloud, I wanted it to drift away like a floating fluffy white cloud on a sunny day…

spongebob cards So I did the ‘Breastfeeding Trading Cards’ idea and WOW, it has helped us both wonderfully!

I made six cards with Spongebob stuck to a piece of black card, and he gets them each morning, and ‘trades’ each for a feed during the day. He loves it, plays with his cards, counts them, arranges them, and chews on them! He keeps them in a safe spot in the lounge and makes sure he gets one if he wants a feed. It’s funny – sometimes I am up at five am working on the computer in the quiet time before the day begins (like when I wrote this). I’ll hear a little noise behind me and turn to see him padding over to his little stash of cards, collecting one to pass to me in exchange for some of my “Mummy’s Milk”.

Immediately our stress levels went down. A Mum on the ABA forum described it as “a de-escalator for all concerned”. That was exactly right.

That first day I realised he probably wasn’t feeding 15 million times a day, and didn’t feel like I putting him off feeds as I was so touched out. (And that in itself was making him more anxious!)

Some days he has even fed less than the 6 cards. One day he only fed ONCE!

It really is a lovely gentle way of giving some external boundaries to us both, and to put our focus on the cards rather than a subtle battle between us. I no longer had to dread the whingeing and whining that developed whenever his baby brother had a feed or started wriggling for a feed…

Brothers I also realised I needed to pre-emptively offer him feeds rather than ‘acquiescing’ to the question for a feed, if that makes sense? He was asking so often, I was either saying “Yes” grudgingly or putting him off with some other activity just so I could have some skin-free time from my touched-out state Anxiousness for him again. Plus, I felt terrible and directionless.

With the cards, we can talk about the cards, he asks and I say “Yes”, or “Yes in a few moments after x, you hold onto that card”. I can also interrupt a feed saying “We’ll finish in a bit and still use that card, hold onto it”.

With the interruptions that occur with two, he’d not want to stop feeding (the anxiousness emerging again) and I’d feel bad putting him off knowing I would feel like it was yet another of 15 million feeds 10 mins later! (He was always asking for “Just a quick milk, a tiny pinch”…the little love.

I love breastfeeding again with this ‘external’ aid to our breastfeeding relationship. I know I’ve had one person advise me on steadily removing the cards to make him wean, but I don’t think that’s for me. He’ll do it himself, he’s a normal child. Another Mum on the ABA forum called it “Sponge-Led Weaning” rather than “Child-Led Weaning”, I thought that was great!

A few days later I shared my experience with a Mom on a USA breastfeeding forum who did something similar for her daughter. She got six of the very pretty hair ties and her daughter would give her one each feed. It had the same effect as it has with Maven. She would be very precious with her bracelets (keeping them on her wrist, and so would Mom) so that they both knew about where they were at. She would ‘save’ her favourite purple and pink ones for last. The breastfeed before bed wasn’t counted in the bangle quota. Her daughter has cut back to a couple of feeds now and it is all very easily plodding along.

Lovely! I hope you read this at a time it will help you in your breastfeeding journey, as I did. It took some time before I got to the point of implementing it, and did it at the right time. (Yes, I could have done it earlier, but I generally avoid regret.) I learnt about this strategy about a year ago – I knew it might help me one day, and it did!

Charndra, Maven and Jett in Canberra, Australia.

Charndra is the woman behind the brilliant elimination communication courses and resources at Part Time Nappy Free, Part Time Diaper Free and Tribal Baby. Visit her websites to learn how you can reduce your nappy/diaper use.

Filed under: Breastfeeding beyond infancy (2 years +), Tandem feeding

Comments

6 Responses to “How Spongebob helped ease our breastfeeding relationship – Charndra’s story”

Amanda Mayan on March 16th, 2009 12:00 am

Thank you Charndra! What a great story. I’m particularly excited to try the hot showers before nursing to ease my first trimester nipple pain combined with incessant night nursing of my 2 year old. As long as the pain is under control, I don’t feel the need to limit her nursings now, but I really like having this idea under my belt for the near future of her having to “share her boo”
-Amanda in Miami
Charndra at Part Time EC! on May 3rd, 2009 9:25 am

Hi Amanda,
Thanks for your comment!

How did the heat before a feed go for you? I used a wheat pack (a rice pack that I made actually) and that worked well, though I had to remember to get it in time!

I found Maven’s feedings really slowed down in the 2nd trimester – I couldn’t eek out a drop, but he said it was still there.

I hope your pregnancy is easy.

charndra
tribe.net: ibreastfed.com on June 20th, 2009 9:17 am

How Spongebob helped ease our breastfeeding relationship – Charndra?s story…

Hi,
I’ve just joined the Tribe. I’m Charndra and I am breastfeeding my – hmm……
Michelle (from Canberra also) on September 4th, 2009 6:01 pm

Wow Charndra, you are an inspiration to me!
I am currently tandem feeding my three year old and two month old and I have not found anyone else around (I don’t know how you found someone in the US) that could help with the so many questions I had/have.
And to find you are a fellow Canberrean! Even better!
Moon on October 19th, 2009 10:42 pm

Great post, and nice idea! Plus it’s so nice to come across a mum who breast feeds a 4 year-old. My daughter’s going to be 4 in January, and although she doesn’t feed every day, she isn’t showing any signs of wanting to give up.

I love the fact that she’s still getting all this goodness, and also don’t want to force her to stop if she feels that she still needs to feed – despite pressures on me to stop feeding her!
michelle oblea on March 11th, 2010 12:11 am

what an incredible story. i’ll try this. breastfeeding has become a big issue between me and my 2-yr old daughter ever since her little brother came along.