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Challenges and triumphs – Angela’s story

Posted on March 18, 2009
Filed under: Engorgement, Expressing, Mastitis, Nipple pain

I had always wanted to breastfeed my baby, my mum breastfed, many other mothers I was in contact with breastfed and it seemed normal, natural and ‘right’ to me. Also having looked after my friend’s children who were all bottle fed, I knew how difficult, stressful and hassly it could be to bottle feed.

After my son was born I had a major bleed and wasn’t able to have the skin to skin contact or baby-led attachment I was hoping for. Instead I had my midwife wake me out of my drugged up, dehydrated dizzy haze and tell me it had been well over an hour since my son was born and we had to attach him. The midwife attached him quite quickly and he fed quite well then slept for nearly 8 hours.

The next day was beautiful, I was able to attach my son myself and he fed with no troubles. Then we realised during my son’s first bath that he looked quite yellow and after a heel prick we found out my son was quite jaundiced. My son was placed in an isolette under lights, I insisted that he stay in my room even though the blue lights made it very difficult to sleep. The midwives and paediatricians changed us from our relaxed baby-led feeding schedule to regimented 3 hourly feedings and top-ups after each feed. I cried and agonised over the decision to give my son formula top ups but I felt as though I was not given a choice, so my son was force fed a full 40mL of formula after each breast feed. My son kept spitting out formula given to him in a cup so it was given to him in a bottle and I was devastated. Thankfully on the next shift I got a midwife who helped me express so that my son could be topped up with breast milk instead of formula.

My milk came in the next morning in abundance and expressing and topping my son up with breast milk became easy. Unfortunately we had one feed with very bad attachment and I received deep grazes to both nipples. Breast feeding became agonising and I needed help from a midwife with attachment at each feed. It didn’t help that due to the amount of drugs I had been given during labour and the amount of blood I lost made it difficult to get out of bed or pick up my son, let alone hold him for the 45 minutes it took him to feed. My difficulty with feeding sitting upright meant that I could only last through the feed if I fed lying on my side. This made the grazes worse and it became so agonising to feed that I stopped altogether and began expressing and cup feeding my son to allow the grazes to heal. I powered through for the rest of the day, even expressing was painful. By the evening my son was very unsettled and the midwife told me I would need to nurse him for him to get the comfort he needed. I was very apprehensive but knew that a short period of pain would allow my son to calm down and give me some rest as well. It was still very painful to nurse but I put up with it for the benefit of my son.

Because of the grazes and being unable to nurse I had lost all confidence in my ability to attach my son effectively. That night my son was running a temperature and was moved to Special Care. I was devastated that I was away from him but this turned out to be a godsend. The Special Care nurses were very experienced in dealing with attachment issues and were able to help me improve my son’s attachment and my confidence. After only 5 hours in Special Care my son’s temperature was down and he was allowed to return to my room out of the isolette and bright lights. Finally I could return to ‘normal’ and that evening I was able to bring my son home.

The next few weeks were like a dream, my son put himself onto a perfect four hour feed/sleep routine and I even began to think parenting would be ‘easy’. I had some trouble attaching my son as his wavy little arms got in the way and often pincer gripped my nipple *ouch*. I had to get my partner to pin his arms down to get him attached properly and when my partner went off to work it took me a lot of time and pain to even get a proper attachment. My son also fed for at least an hour and a half each feed and by the end of a feed he was overtired. If he didn’t fall asleep on the breast or immediately after then he could be very difficult to settle. My son hit the ‘6 week’ growth spurt a little early, coinciding with the first week of hot weather that summer. Suddenly my son wanted to feed every couple of hours, and since it took him an hour and a half to feed he ended up with very little sleep. I ended up dehydrated and my breasts were ‘empty’ so my son could no longer get a proper feed. I pleaded with my son to let me ‘recharge’ but it was my partner who came to the rescue by defrosting some expressed milk and feeding him while I slept.

My son eventually returned to some sort of pattern but the frequent feeding had increased my milk supply to more than my son could finish. My breasts became engorged and I ended up with blocked ducts in both breasts. Hand expression was not effectively emptying my breasts and the blocked ducts were affecting my milk supply. One of my breasts became red, hot and very painful. I was running a fever and could hardly stay awake. The MCHN over the phone said I most likely had mastitis. I was so tired my partner needed to bring my son to me for feeds and take all the caring. In my desperation I sent my partner to get a small electric breast pump. Pumping was excruciating but within 24 hours of pumping and nursing the blocked ducts relieved and my fever came down. I continued pumping twice a day to prevent the same happening but the pump was damaging my nipples and both pumping and nursing became more and more painful. I remembered that the breast pump of the same brand at the hospital had not been painful so I read the instructions trying to figure out why the pump was hurting me so much. I discovered that the breast shell was too small so my nipple was being pulled into the cylinder which was narrower than my nipple. I promptly ordered a larger breast shell and the pump no longer hurt me, I couldn’t believe it was so simple!

My son is now 5 months old and nursing beautifully. Despite the challenges I love breastfeeding and wouldn’t give it up for the world. Originally I was wanting to breastfeed for 18 months to 2 years but now I think I will continue breastfeeding for as long as my son wants to continue.