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The things you do for love…. Sal’s story

Posted on September 5, 2008
Filed under: Allergy or intolerance to breastmilk, Breastfeeding beyond infancy (2 years +), Colic, Expressing, Food allergy, Nipple pain, Tounge tie

I am 20 weeks pregnant with our second bebe and it’s the first time that I have really thought about my breastfeeding journey. Mary’s right in saying that without each other (both stubborn souls!) I am not sure that we would have survived. And it’s amazing to think that we found each other, despite being on different sides of the world.

A was a much anticipated first bebe and it didn’t ever occur to me that things would be anything but natural and enjoyable. Of course, not necessarily easy, but if we followed our intuition then all would work out. I suppose, in pregnancy bliss, one can’t even contemplate the difficulties of a baby screaming constantly with acid reflux, severe allergies and even being tongue tied! What a combination, especially when one is living in a foreign country where you can’t speak the language and away from normal support structures.

Almost from when A was born, he cried. Our poor little mouse. The first attempts to breastfeed were painful and difficult, he didn’t latch on properly and I can remember what seemed like an endless stream of midwifes thrusting by engorged breasts into his tiny red screaming mouth. Even when I got the hang of the positioning, his sucking felt like broken glass piercing the most sensitive part of my body. In desperation I started taking pain killers in order to feed him.

I have a strong memory of mother, a committed breast feeder of my younger sister (after suffering two first bebes, my brother and I, in humidity cribs that couldn’t feed) pleading with me to stop trying. She and I were crying hysterically and the pain that I felt seemed to be an endless cycle between short bursts of sleep. Yet I persisted.

In addition to the constant crying, A pooed constantly with acidic green slime emerging from his cloth nappies. His tummy was constantly swollen and he barely slept.

I searched for help online and found it in the form of Mary and a wonderful lactation consultant in Brisbane who despite being on a different time zone (we lived in Europe) spent hours on the phone with me making me feel ‘less crazy’. Following a photo that I sent through to her of A, she casually remarked that he was tongue tied! I couldn’t believe that hours one on one with lactation nurses in Europe had failed to notice that small fact! Somehow the explanation for the pain in feeding made me feel justified and not totally insane.

A also had allergies, as it turned out to egg, diary, nuts, seafood and wheat. I forced myself to eat meat (having been a vegetarian for 15 years) and survived on quinoa, celery, lamb, chicken and garlic so that I could keep breastfeeding A. It helped marginally, but he even reacted to brown rice. Not surprisingly I ended up in hospital having lost so much weight and weighed down with considerable stress, and to be honest guilt, that everything that I consumed could be hurting my red faced screaming little fellow.

Of course, over time things improved. I was forced to eat a wider range of foods. A did not consume solids for 10 months and I breastfed him for 2 years, despite starting a highly demanding job when he was 10 months old. I have to laugh remembering how I used to run into the bathroom to express and then treated the breast milk as pure gold, not the usual run of things in a large law firm!

When I look back, I am not sure that I could have done any of this without the strong sense of love and commitment that I felt to my little A and the support that I got from my amazing husband and from gorgeous Mary, herself going through so much with little C. Interestingly though when I think back to a very challenging first year with A, the highlight is the closeness that I achieved with him through breastfeeding.

As I rub my growing belly, I can only pray that my next little one does not have to face the same early challenges. Breastfeeding is an amazing gift, but at the same time, I would never judge anybody that doesn’t because I know that it’s not always easy.

Filed under: Allergy or intolerance to breastmilk, Breastfeeding beyond infancy (2 years +), Colic, Expressing, Food allergy, Nipple pain, Tounge tie